starting from scratch

I have long wanted to start my own business, and for several years now — years! — I have been trying to do just that. And yet after all that effort I have yet to produce a single damn thing. I’ve tried to face the facts before, to make adjustments and right the ship, but it was all just window dressing. My vision of my product has not changed substantially from day one, nor have my results. Truth be told, the thing is just too big.

My frustration with my day job continues to grow and it finally became overwhelming. I reached my breaking point this past week, with the futility of everything I had been doing really hitting home. I could have been lost in a deep depression but remember this is my year of appreciation and joy! Hmm, yeah…that sounds trite in the face of things but actually it did help keep it all in perspective.

I took a day and allowed my strong emotions to scour the slate clean. I reconsidered my ability to run my own business, and thought hard about possible employment opportunities I might take instead. No, I really do want my own business; it is important to me. I listened to Kickstart Your Own Business and read Cubicle Nation for a few hours and then brainstormed business ideas, from a clean slate. My skillset and my interests bring me back to essentially the same thing I have been working on — after all, how could I have worked on it for so long with no results unless it was something I was really passionate about?

Still, I can’t keep on the same path, something has to give. I am brutally hacking it down, cutting features, trying to get to the essential core of the thing. My intention is to deliver something my 04-July-2007 (Independence Day here in the States); the symbolism can only help. In the process, I have sort of turned the whole thing on its head. What if, instead of developing a product to sell, I sell me developing a product? That is, something along the lines of Werner Moise and Smart Software. The advantage of this approach is that I can put myself out there immediately, start building an audience immediately, instead of waiting years and years to develop this complex piece of software. I can be more comfortable sharing my work in its early states because I am selling the process more than the product.

I still have my doubts; I’m not going to take any action until I’ve had more time to think it through. Still, a ray of sun in a storm.