An Uncomfortable Dream

Last night I dreamed that M was making out with her ex- in the living room. This was okay because I told her she could see other people (I didn’t) and he was a close friend who always spent time with us (he doesn’t). I was running interference with the kids, keeping them occupied and getting them ready for bed. I woke up feeling…disappointed. I was taking care of the errands and obligations while someone else was doing what I wanted to be doing. According to Ask and It Is Given, dreams are an indication of what you are bringing into your reality, so by that interpretation I am bringing in busy work for myself, and rewards for others. And quite honestly that sounds about right.

(I should mention that in the dream I got to play a very entertaining racing game with the kids, which gave me some ideas for my own project — call it a silver lining)

This follows up a frustrating day at work, where we are muddling through the endless details of a project rollout. I joined the company I am at now because, while they are primarily a consulting shop, they were starting development of a promising off-the-shelf software product. I saw it as an opportunity to get out of consulting and into the more the predictable and lower stress world of commercial software. I would have more ownership over the results, and in the long run I’d be better off personally, professionally, and financially. In the short-term, I am still a consultant, but making (considerably) less money to help fund the initial development. Unfortunately, I don’t like the way that development is being done; the person doing the work — my future boss — is not the right person for the job. Basic things that should be second nature at this level are not getting done, and I am getting frustrated. I don’t want to start throwing stones because I don’t feel like I’ve contributed enough to the effort (for numerous reasons) and I don’t want to come off as an uninformed malcontent. So to make things right, I have to spend some time contributing in order to understand and document the depth of the problem in order to drop a bomb on it. My gut tells me this is the right approach to take, even if I would rather spend that time working on my own code. Though I do wonder if I am simply creating the conditions for me to quit in good conscience.

Okay, that was more than enough bitching. Next post I’ll talk about how I’m making my reality a better place.