starting from scratch

According to the National Low Income Housing Coalition, there is not a single place in the entire country where a full-time, minimum-wage worker can afford to rent a one-bedroom apartment. We took a huge step toward increasing the minimum wage in the recent elections, but more work needs to be done to eliminate substandard poverty housing. The National Council of Churches has created a television documentary featuring John Edwards, Jack Kemp, and others, highlighting the problem and how businesses, faith groups, and non-profits can work together with the government to solve it. Faithful America is urging people to call their local NBC affiliate to make sure they add the documentary to their December lineup. For more information, visit the Faithful America website. You can see a clip of the documentary here.

Last night I dreamed that M was making out with her ex- in the living room. This was okay because I told her she could see other people (I didn’t) and he was a close friend who always spent time with us (he doesn’t). I was running interference with the kids, keeping them occupied and getting them ready for bed. I woke up feeling…disappointed. I was taking care of the errands and obligations while someone else was doing what I wanted to be doing. According to Ask and It Is Given, dreams are an indication of what you are bringing into your reality, so by that interpretation I am bringing in busy work for myself, and rewards for others. And quite honestly that sounds about right.

(I should mention that in the dream I got to play a very entertaining racing game with the kids, which gave me some ideas for my own project — call it a silver lining)

This follows up a frustrating day at work, where we are muddling through the endless details of a project rollout. I joined the company I am at now because, while they are primarily a consulting shop, they were starting development of a promising off-the-shelf software product. I saw it as an opportunity to get out of consulting and into the more the predictable and lower stress world of commercial software. I would have more ownership over the results, and in the long run I’d be better off personally, professionally, and financially. In the short-term, I am still a consultant, but making (considerably) less money to help fund the initial development. Unfortunately, I don’t like the way that development is being done; the person doing the work — my future boss — is not the right person for the job. Basic things that should be second nature at this level are not getting done, and I am getting frustrated. I don’t want to start throwing stones because I don’t feel like I’ve contributed enough to the effort (for numerous reasons) and I don’t want to come off as an uninformed malcontent. So to make things right, I have to spend some time contributing in order to understand and document the depth of the problem in order to drop a bomb on it. My gut tells me this is the right approach to take, even if I would rather spend that time working on my own code. Though I do wonder if I am simply creating the conditions for me to quit in good conscience.

Okay, that was more than enough bitching. Next post I’ll talk about how I’m making my reality a better place.

My spirit guides told me to take the day off of work today, to stay home and work on a plan for moving forward. I can’t really say how they told me. The thought appeared in my mind and wouldn’t go away. Thinking about going to work made me feel anxious, thinking about not going to work made me feel peaceful, that everything would be taken care of. I suppose that’s how it works. I usually would have let my sense of responsibility hold trump; this time I decided to pay attention.

I have not been making any progress on the personal growth front lately, mostly because I feel completely overwhelmed. The topic is just too damn big. I can’t get a handle on it. I have thought repeatedly that if I could just get a day, a weekend, to sit and just think, without interruption…

…and as I type this, the Youngest walks in to tell me he’s scared and can’t sleep, so you see what a daydream that is…

Anyway, those were the thoughts I was journaling last night, feeling anxious about going to work, so I stayed home and closed myself in my office on the porch and came up with a plan. At first I just brainstormed into FreeMind: what are my big unknowns? What are the topics I want to explore? I reread Steve Pavlina’s The Courage To Live Consciously which triggered some additional ideas. Then I went through and pulled out a couple of actions to get me started. It all went much more quickly than I expected, probably just a bit more than an hour.

If it turns out well I’ll talk more about it later, but my list currently looks something like this:

• Make time. My biggest problem is that I never take the time to pursue what should be the most important thing I’ve got going. Figure out a schedule that allows me a little bit of time, maybe 15 minutes twice a day plus 30 minutes on the weekend, to lock myself away for some “quiet time”. I can knock something off my action list, or spend it reading and learning.

• Start writing down questions I want to explore, and the goals I want to reach. These will eventually turn into the to-do items to fill the time I set aside.

• Research the five year vision. I’ve read several places about imagining where you want to be 3-5 years out, and then building your list of goals from there. Quickly find and skim through those sources. What questions should I be asking myself during this exercise? How much detail should I go into? What are the important topics to hit? I want to make the most of my time.

• Do it. Lock myself away on the weekend, imagine that future, and write it all down. Later on I’ll worry about turning it into something useful.

The full list is a fair bit longer, but these are the most immediate topics I want to hit. So how did you get started?